*Note, can’t stress the hypothetical aspect of this enough, I’m a lover not a fighter, I don’t have it in me to kill a human being. Although, then again, I am the guy who just last night said “Some people get restraining orders, I earn mine”. So writing the word hypothetical a million times in this blog probably won’t save me. Whatever. Here We Go.
3. A Lake
Now the East Coasters reading this will probably say, what the fuck? We don’t even have Lakes. Well guys, out here in the Midwest we have lakes, lots and lots and lots of lakes. The entire state of Wisconsin is a Lake. Minnesota, one gigantic Lake. Lake Michigan, ever heard of it? Only the biggest lake in the world. So who’s to say your hockey bag full of “concrete” didn’t accidentally slip off your boat when you were visiting one of our thousands of lakes. No one. That’s who. The lakes can’t be properly policed for dead bodies, its impossible.
2. The Trash
Not the whole body you morons. Piece by Piece. A finger here, a foot there. You think the trash-men check what’s in the trash? Fuck no. It’s trash. It all smells like a dead body. Only see 2 downsides doing this. 1) I’m lazy so I usually let the trash pile crazy high and 2) The Mexicans who patrol the alleys (at least in Chicago) looking for scrap metal may find your dead body. So for that I’ll probably just do what kids do with Santa Claus but instead of leaving cookies and milk I’ll leave out a taco and some tequila. Let the Mexicans know, “hey ese, silencio por favor”.
Now here is the question I have always asked myself. Do people not feed dead bodies to sharks or is feeding a dead body to a shark such a good idea that no one has ever found out that it has happened? Sort of a chicken and egg thing. Makes you wonder. If every unsolved murder that ever happen is in a great white’s stomach right now? My guess is yes. Feeding a body to a shark is the ONLY way to go.
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